OOC: I'm BAAACK!
IC:
Co-General Manager Wallace comes out to the sold out crowd and introduces King Hughes as the New United States Champion….
A new theme song hits!!! “I can show you the w-w-woooooooorld!”We see the New World World logo spinning on the Titantron and then it vanishes and is replaced with a shot of Hughes cracking Kahuna repeatedly in the head with his guitar covered in barbed wire. Hughes is then seen dancing and strumming his guitar!
No other cips are shown, just different ways of Kahuna getting hit with Hughes' guitar…followed by the dancing and strumming of Hughes.
Hughes comes out on stage wearing a New World t-shirt that says, “Heads will F*cking Roll!” and his trademark crown, strut walking like the Nature Boy Ric flair and strumming his guitar. He stops every now and then to point down at the United States title around his waist, gyrating his hips suggestively to the music and causing fans to take notice and boo loudly, because he didn’t beat Kahuna for the title. A fan throws a can of beer at him and he bats it like a baseball with his guitar, sending it flying.
He shakes hands with Wallace and Wallace begins to worship him with his hands on his way to the ring. Wallace even holds the ropes as Hughes gets in the ring.
Wallace then gets on commentary, proceeding to praise King Hughes so all the viewers at home can hear how great he is.
Hughes raises the mic…
King Hughes:
“Hughes the United States champion, now?” He points to the belt around his waist. “That’s right ya’ll; Hughes is your United States Champion.”
A random fan, obviously a plant, jumps the barricade, and gets in the ring. Security tackles him immediately and holds him down so he can’t get to Hughes. Hughes stops them from escorting him out. He instead, holds the title in the fan’s face and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
“Hughes the US Champ?”
The fan shouts, “Kahuna!”
The crowd pops and chants, “Kahuna! Kahuna! Kahuna!”
Hughes looks livid, and on the titantron, the League of Nations arrives backstage. They try to get by security, but they are denied access to the arena.
Wallace:
Wallace stands up from commentary…
“Aw, boo-hoo, if Evan Almighty were here he would let the League of Nations in, and we would be saved!”
Wallace laughs at the fans.
Evan Almighty is late, and I don’t think he’s even going to bother showing up tonight, showing once again how unfit of a Co-General Manager he is! And since he’s not here, I’m in charge, so that means I don’t have to let them into the arena until I feel like it.”
The crowd boos.
“Shut up, because in the mean time, you and the League of Crybabies can watch a true champion, King Hughes, entertain us with his Royal Presence.”
King Hughes:
“And entertain them I will.”
He looks down at the fan still being held by security.
“I will give this tool one last time to redeem himself… Kiss my Royal Toes, and maybe, just maybe I will let you return to your seat with that head on your shoulders.”
The fan refuses and Hughes tells the security to take him away.
“Off with his head!”
Hughes cuts his throat with his thumb.
The fan screams as he is carried away, shouting, “you’re not the champ, you’re not the champ!” and the crowd joins in.
Hughes closes his eyes soaks it all in. He then opens his eyes and looks at the Titantron, laughing at the League of Nations as they look angered by Hughes’ actions.
“Look at you, a pathetic looking League of Peons!”
He notices Kimona.
“Is that Kimona, yes it is! You know, despite our differences, I actually miss your company. Do you miss mine, considering you no longer have the company of real man? A real man would have this!”
He raises the United States Title.
“Want to know what I miss the most about you Kimona? Your smell, and your taste.”
He licks his lips as his eyes roll back in his skull.
“Surly, you remember how I smell and how I taste? No? Well your memory seems to be jaded according to this footage, provided courtesy of the friendly hotel staff…
We see footage of Kahuna and Kimona in bed inside of a hotel room.Kahuna:
"How are you feeling? I realize this little encounter was a totally unplanned event and I hope doesn't interfere with any of your plans for the evening. "
Kimona:
"Kahuna, Darling, we are married. My place is with you. It should always have been with you. I am just so sorry I was foolish enough to listen to Herbie Hughes and all the crazy insufferable notions he made me put you through. Anyone else would have given up on me, divorced me after I super kicked you right in front of The Preacher in Honolulu, yet you didn't and you wouldn't let anyone else put me down for it either. "
Kahuna:
"It was something that your Father, said to me the morning after you had screwed me out The World Heavyweight Championship. Bottom Line is, I did exactly what he said. It took a few months, but I hung in there and now, here you are."
Kimona:
" As for how I'm feeling, I was..... hurting like HELL during the beginning, but slowly, it ended up being a fantastic experience......"
Kahuna:
"How can it hurt now after all the times you've done it with Herbie?"
Kimona:
"Darling, are you kidding me? I could never have let that bag of scum touch me the same way you just did. Sure, he kissed me, slobbered all over me and groped me within an inch of my life, but I am an old school Japanese Princess. I can only have sex with the man I am married to and am in love with. That's you, my Beloved, I'll only give myself to you. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?"
Kahuna:
"I can understand what you're trying to say, Babe."
Kimona:
"One question though, why were you wearing that condom? Did you think Herbie gave me some kind of disease?"
Kahuna:
"I know you can’t have children, but I must admit I had to protect myself. I seriously thought you had been having sex with Herbie, and I thought I should take some precautions just in case. Be that as it may, I certainly hope you won't be offended if I ask you to get a check up by my doctor when we get back to Philadelphia before we have the next big PPV."
Kimona:
"Of course not, my Darling, I'm sure you will be satisfied with the results. We'd better get dressed and head over to the Arena for tonight's show."
The video ends and Hughes is rolling on the mat, unable to control his laughter.King Hughes:
“Welcome to the Lu-oooow? More like welcome to manhood! Obviously, this was Kahuna’s first time, ya’ll. But let me set the record straight, and remind everyone that even though this was Kahuna’s first time with a woman, it definitely wasn’t Kimona’s first or last time with a man and that man is Herbie Hughes, and then…Crave who was cravin’ some Japanese cuisine, and then we passed her onto Chaos who showed her how to do it hardcore, and then the scraps were tossed to Ridiculous, because just like all the gold, when it’s all said and done, everyone and everything will all come crawling back to the New World in the end….”